Recounting Recent Dreams and Trying to Make Sense of Them

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Why do I keep having dreams that feel all too familiar? As if I have experienced them before?

I swear I find myself amongst my conscience’s projections and telling it that I’ve been here, done this. Three nights in a row?!

Perhaps the reason for this sensation exists; one I am not yet willing to confront and define.

Anyways, here’s the latest installment to this series.

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Running Through the Woods

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The seasonal transition is felt most this time each year. As our clocks step backwards an hour, the days of eternal sun and warm breeze crawl further into memory. 

Soon we will forget the sensation of seeing the sun set before 6 PM. We will begin to mourn its departure ever sooner as the days shrink into night.

I suppose it’s no surprise that the welcoming of such a season– where darkness comes to seep life from our forests and to send the creatures to their winter sleep– brings with it also a curious sort of celebration. 

Death and decay urge us to court darker thoughts and to entertain scarier activities. Watching horror movies, venturing into haunted places, wiling ourselves to feel a sort of terrible urgency.

October is home to a queer energy. I find myself succumbing to it every time the month descends upon us. An extent of this stems from my Nebraskan origins. 


We midwestern folk are particularly sensitive to the mysterious aura of Halloween. As a young teen, I spent my days forcing myself into fits of fear-induced anxiety with horror. 

I went to haunted houses, pumpkin patches, even the haunted cemetery an hour outside of the city. When I left the Midwest, I sustained my urge to cringe with horror movies online and true crime podcasts. 

I ran today and as I did, I let the sweet smell of plant rot fill my nostrils. Dying leaves fell like feathers from their hibernating trees and my heart raced not for the sport but for the odd sensation that I was being followed.

I’m not sure why this feeling is so addictive to us. Perhaps the novelty of entering situations that have no ends beyond bad ones are an exciting concept. When compared to how we abuse ourselves in other ways, this one does seem a bit tame. 

Autumn and horror is a unique marriage of things. But like Spring brings with it a celebration of birth, I suppose we cannot help but relish in the autumnal welcoming of death.


Happy Halloween, friends. I hope you enjoyed this rambling that came to me during my jog today.

I’ll have to employ that habit more often.


Bisous

I’m Going Crazy: The Mermaid

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August 22, 2019

It’s a slender creature with a long and flowing tail. Does It really understand what Its purpose is besides surfacing every once in a while to spit truths? Not entirely, no. It just knows three things to be true. Those three things are: the mermaid’s passion for science, its existence in the water, its thoughtful way of speaking.

Ask it if it’s a real mermaid and watch the mermaid wrinkle its nose in disgust. Don’t you know mermaids don’t exist? The mere question puts a look of puzzlement on its face as if It can’t understand how stupid you are but the fact It’s a mermaid still stands. It will react similarly to questions regarding whether or not It has legs. Of course not dummy. 

This creature of mystery came calling one sleepless night in the Colorado wilderness. As a very human girl lay still and sleepless, an entity emerged from the swirling currents of the ceiling above and whispered a hello. Once contact was made, the world unfolded and a eureka moment appeared as if out of the blue.

For years it seems my goal was always to fit into whichever mold struck my fancy. First was the prestigious world of journalism that came to tempt me. I enrolled in college with the intention of becoming a world-class journalist only to find that the fit was far from comfortable. Next to take hold of me was a love for science and the minds that taught it at my university. This one held fast for a long while.

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An Essay on Lucid Dreaming. My Experiences, Tips and Tricks

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August 21, 2019

My childhood bedroom holds the unique status of being able to induce lucid dreaming for myself. Time and time again, I am able to summon up some stored common sense and call my subconscious out for tampering with reality. Often, when the realization strikes, I am left to deal with the aftermath of a foiled plot. 

Disaster used to be the common closer to a dream that climaxes with my coming to. Planes would bury themselves into twisted structures off in the distance minutes after I looked at my dream hands and understood where I was. I suppose this is some sort of defense mechanism for my subconscious. Once discovered, it forces a response that has my conscious self yearning to escape back into reality.

I am trying to think what that might mean for what’s going on in my mind. What is subconscious me trying to hide? Or what is conscious me so afraid of when thinking about the idea of being trapped in a dream world forever? It’s odd…

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We Got Lost! A Reflection

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August 20, 2019

Something about being lost in the wilderness both frightens and inspires. Take it from me.

It’s our first full day in the secret treasure that is Mark’s AirBnB 30 minutes outside of Cortez. An untouched wilderness sits just beyond a brown picket fence. Just beyond a well-manicured lawn and thoughtfully placed decor is a formidable land. That juxtaposition of the two spaces, the tamed and wild, was one we should have considered a bit more close.

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Walden, CO

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August 19, 2019

We left the northern corner of Colorado today. Rising early to catch the sunrise, we watched with our coffees before hitting the road. The southern corner now awaits us and, as I drive, I reflect.

Here are the things I learned in Walden, Colorado.

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Alone Amongst Giants: A Day of Thought

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August 18, 2019

7:00 AM

Yannis rouses from slumber just after I do. I am sitting perched upon the leather couch in the main room. Sky is slowly waking herself up as Yannis and I conference over the evening before. The sky was unlike any we’d ever seen and we spent the return leg of our evening hike looking up at it in wonder. 

Yannis pours water from the cooler and sets it to boil whilst I watch the hummingbirds outside. I take a handful of trail mix and proceed to munch on it as we waited for the world’s coldest stove to boil our water. Skyler joins us shortly after and we wait together.

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