So It Begins

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August 15, 2019

A call to the wild.

I reached it. The point of no return. My dependency on the goings-on behind my phone screen reached levels I’m embarrassed to admit to. Hours of precious time were instead wasted for the short-term pleasures that existed online.

This day was long awaited; the one that would take me away from this dual-life of mine. I would instead force myself to live off the grid and devote the time spent there to expanding my craft and my creativity. I feel the long bouts of meditative driving, sweeping views of majestic earth and the quiet solitude with every evening will do me good.

Holidays for me are always best spent conquering unknown terrains. I grow in these short few days. Signs include a few extra freckles, a wrinkle or two, eyes that look a bit more comforted by the brain operating them. To escape to these new worlds is an escape from the routine. I am hoping this break and reset will allow for me to answer some questions.

Let me throw out the five that are the most pressing for me right now. Karl in nature, past you is hoping you find what you’re looking for out there. Here’s a list in case you forget.

What is holding you back right now?

This is a question wrought with anxiety for me. I have many things that I love about myself. To say this with confidence comes years after struggling with the idea altogether. Self-love is an interesting endeavor in that, in order to be a good partner to yourself, you must be able to provide criticism that’s constructive.

To go from lacking self-love to basking in it to nearing the end of the honeymoon period is fraught with obstacles. How do I give myself grace whilst still holding myself to proper expectations? Avoiding the dangerous and slippery slope that is self-deprecation… it’s just hard. Hiking will remind me that my criticisms for myself are meant to complement the capability I have. 

This I must remember. My hopes are that, by the end of this trip, I will have the ability to answer this with assertion.

What is the foremost thing that brings you joy?

My happiness is a mystery to me. At the time that I write this, August 15, I am in a state of euphoric joy. The summer was filled with activity, productivity and fulfillment. I rediscovered my love for swimming and am now certain it has something to do with wherever I end up. Hiking with my love will rival this experience, I’m sure. Together we can unlock the real secret to success and happiness. 

I hope to find the answer to this question with a certainty. To know this would give me the power to turn it into something valuable, precious. 

Are you treating yourself well?

I have a mean inner voice. She grew up around the time I began to become more watchful of the way my body developed. She lingers about in the inner folds of my mind but my rational brain is capable of shutting her up for a while. Hiking in the wilderness, relying on the strength of my healthy body will shut her up for longer.

The goal is to be rid of her forever. Then the path is laid quite simply before me. I no longer wish to be a critic but a coach. 

Do you like the future taking shape in front of you right now? What needs to change to make it even better?

The future is riddled with mystery and burdened with expectation. I know where I want to be in a few years’ time but to get there is still a question mark. 

I feel like the changes I need to make are already known. To force myself into seclusion should be the proper trigger to wrest them free. All I know now? If I want the future I envision, I must define that and get going.

In nine days’ time, we’ll see where I stand in terms of these pressing questions.

Bisous.

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