My life is a series of peaks and valleys. Years pass with months of utter bliss dotting the seasons. 

Slowly these golden hues of happiness lose out to a more solemn and colorless gray. 

This proceeds further until all color is sapped. To rise from the numb security of sleep is an assault on the one comfort I still have in these times. 

I am thankful that these periods are temporary. As wide and expansive as the valleys seem, the slopes of the cliff-faces symbolizing the turning of another gray leaf far overshadow them. 

Sadness is a prison, in a way. It robs you of your mind and coerces you into dwelling on thoughts and ideas that hurt you. In my duels with sadness, I find myself often unable to do much of anything. 

This is the reinforcement loop sadness creates. Falling into that trap is easy. To confront it and make the necessary change for escape is not.

I wanted to write about liberation today. Of how refreshing it is to trust yourself when taking a metaphorical leap of faith. I was hesitant at first to share my experience. But after a particularly reflective holiday season, here is what I can offer up.

Do not seek out what you’re looking for in others. The high that comes from outside validation is easy to find and to latch onto. This is not a sustainable source of happiness. 

Acceptance must be radical and must come from yourself first. For someone who was once incapable of such an idea, this shift in perspective helped create a solid foundation for me.

Love your strengths, understand your flaws, and wake with an intention every day. To stave off the sloth that comes with meandering through life begins with a morning routine.

Surround yourself with an earnest community. Do not play host to other people’s envy, wrath or sadness. Love those who need it and get love in return. A strong community is a potent happy pill. The love you find there can take many forms.

Forgive yourself. Let go. Work hard. Life is a tricky mistress but she can be rewarding if you’re consistent.

I’m still trying to work on that last little bit.

2020 is a leaf overturned. No longer gray, I see the greens and yellows and blues of its makeup. Like a bird, I am light and free.

Like a tree, I take root in who I am and grow upwards to touch the heavens. Always grounded.

I hope the same for you, too. Thanks for reading me.


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